How to Talk to Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere. Larry King
Книга Ларри Кинга (L.K.) – готовая инструкция для человека, который ведёт переговоры, налаживает контакты, ,берёт/даёт интервью, выступает публично… То есть для любого человека вообще.
Написал он её в 1994 году, а мне сегодняшней она кажется очень толковой, чёткой и лаконичной (а местами – очевидной).
Начну с того, чем L.K. заканчивает книгу: Regardless of your ability as a talker, remember this: (1) if you feel you aren’t good at it, you can be; (2) if you feel you are good at it, you can be better.
L.K. призывает нас проявлять honesty, interest in the other person, openness about yourself. А с учетом нашего базового, общечеловеческого background’а, собеседнику очень просто дать стать a part of your experience: you should be as open and honest with your conversational partners as you’d want them to be with you.
«Топить лёд» при общении с новыми знакомыми L.K. предлагает так: помним, что все мы более или менее из «одного теста», со схожим жизненным опытом и опасением начать беседу/выступление первым; «да/нет»-вопросы забываем, а задаем больше таких, которые подразумевают развернутый ответ (like «why?» or «what if…?») и на которые приятно отвечать (получаем возможность развить беседу дальше, выхватив интересное); слушаем (с искренним интересом); говорим from the heart (и на первых этапах не сильно акцентируемся на body language); устанавливаем eye contact (не перебарщиваем!). Всё очевидно, говорю же.
Вот советы для social talk: Be open. Find the common ground with your partner. And, always, listen. В компании всегда есть человек, ищущий взглядом с кем бы поговорить. Идём к нему. Или находим уже живую беседу на интересную нам тему и присоединяемся (но это для решительных).
Коротко про общие «настройки» best talkers: (1) look at things from a new angle; (2) have broad horizons; (3) enthusiastic; (4) don’t talk about themselves all the time; (5) curious; (6) empathize; (7) sense of humor; (8) their own style of talking.
Советы L.K. по избавлению от дурных привычек в речи: (1) listen yourself; (2) think ahead what you’re going to say; (3) check a nothing word or cliche in your speech.
Отдельную главу L.K. посвящает общению с коллегами/руководством (The same basic principles apply in business talk as in a social conversation. Be direct and open and be a good listener if you want to be a good talker).
L.K. приводит примеры своих неудачных и удачных интервью (и объясняет причины провалов и успеха) – занимательная глава, позволяющая пополнить «to watch»-list. Далее – про оговорки (которых не стоит бояться) и про то, как отвечать на неудобные вопросы (This is nothing in the United States Constitution that requires you to answer every question, or to go into as much detail as your questioner might like, or even to be interviewed).
Удачи! Поговорим? :) А вон несколько цитат из книги:
· You cannot talk to people successfully if they think you are not interested in what they have to say or what you have no respect for them.
· The Golden rule – Do into others as you would have them to undo you – applies to conversation, too. You should be as open and honest with your conversational partners as you’d want them to be with you.
· My first rule of conversation is this: I never learn a thing while I'm talking. I realize every morning that nothing I say today will teach me anything, so if I'm going to learn a lot today, I'll have to do it by listening.
· My advice in meeting people, and especially in talks between the sexes, is to learn as much as you can about the other person as early in the conversation as possible.
· About political correctness. Let’s not become so worried about not offending anybody that we lose the ability to distinguish between respect and paranoia.
· You can be the greatest interviewer or conversationalist in history, and you can resort the threats, torture, bribery, or anything else, but if someone is determined that they aren’t gonna talk, they aren't gonna talk. Don't take it personally, just find another person to talk to.
· The best speakers, the best negotiators, the best people in any line of work, all commit mistakes. In baseball, they even have a category of statistics for them – errors. So when you commit yours, don't let it fluster you. Remember the old saying: “He who never makes a mistake seldom makes anything else”.
· My “secret” is simply that I think of public speaking is no different from any other form of talk. It's a way of sharing your thoughts with other people. In one sense it's easier than social conversation because you're in complete control of where the talk is going. At the same time, you have to have something to say.
· Most of us will never find ourselves in the position of leader of the free world. Our speeches don't involve issues of war and peace and the survival of entire nations. But our speeches are important – to ourselves and to our audiences. We can learn from these speakers, whose ability to talk effectively was central to their success, as is the case with so many successful people in every profession.
· I want to respond to my guest the same way my audience does, but I can't do that if I already know the answer.
· If there’s one thing I hope you get out of this book, it's an attitude about talk. Talk should not be a challenge, a grim obligation, or a way of filling up time. Talk is mankind's greatest invention, it's how we make conversations among us, and it's one of the pleasures that life has to offer. Think of every conversation as an opportunity.